Greetings from the Dictator

November 28, 2008

Greetings citizens and future citizens!

With fellow autocrats being charged with crimes against humanity (good luck, Omar! You can beat this thing!) and uprisings in other solidly fascist countries, your Dictator deemed it best to keep Her Glorious Light to herself until the gaze of the international community was drawn elsewhere. Thanks to the recent collapse of capitalism and the hotly contested American presidential elections, the global populace has never been less interested in fascists, and so, the time is ripe for my reappearance on the international stage.

To keep my own citizens from getting any ideas, I had my secret police round up all the journalists in the country, but to no avail! The peasants are wise to the ways of technology and have managed to glean information on the outside world from this newfangled digital doodad called the Internet, leading to a sudden surge in grumbling from the minions I step on when I get out of bed in the morning. Taking a lesson from the failure of fellow totalitarians, the People’s Republic of China, I realized that attempting to control access to this Internet was an exercise in futility and set My Shining Self on the course of controlling the Internet itself in my quest for world domination. After all, what good is being the Supreme Ruler of the Entire Freakin’ Planet if my peons are able to communicate through these inter-tubes and foment dissent and rebellion?

Thus, it is with great pleasure and fanfare that I bring to you the glorious Official Publication of the Independent Republic of Josi. Here, diligent citizens may write worshipful odes to My Awesomosity, learn the myriad of ways they may displease Me and lose their heads, connect with fellow citizens under the watchful eyes of my digital security teams and further taste the terror and wonder that their Mighty Dictator and President for Life inspires in their hearts. Future citizens would be wise to study these missives and apply for citizenship as soon as possible. Once I am Supreme Ruler of the entire freakin’ planet, all non-citizens will have their heads removed and all their internal organs made into sausages for the packs of terrifying wolf-dogs I use to keep the masses in check. Word to the wise.

Citizen satisfaction guaranteed,
Dictator and President for Life of the IRJ