Sinus explosion!

February 28, 2009

Send soup, dear peasants! The sinus cavities of your Dictator have exploded! Or rather, they are on the verge of explosion. In any case, citizens, the situation is dire. If this continues, your Beloved Leader may be sent on to the Great Dictatorship Beyond where She will rule over your departed ancestors.

Yes, even in death, you cannot escape My absolute power.

The forehead of your Venerable Ruler is fiery to the touch, a sure sign that the grim reaper is holding his scythe inches above My slender and attractive neck. And make no mistake, peons, My neck is indeed almost too beautiful to look upon. Like all parts of My Imposing Self. Even my explosive sinuses bring tears to the eyes of those who bear witness to them, such is their beauty.

But explosive and painful they are, despite their allure, and the only cure–if there is any cure at all!–is soup and plenty of it. The cooks in the great kitchens of the Dictator’s Residence are hard at work, preparing pot after pot of tomato soup, but all are substandard for someone with such discerning taste as your Sensitive Sovereign. Thus, I ask you, peasants with your homey rural style, have you not any recipes for soup that would bring health back to your Ailing Powerhouse? Keep in mind that should I pass on into that unfathomable abyss, I will be even crankier and more inclined to random punishment than I am now, and when you arrive in that far away land, you will suffer more than you thought possible in this life. So send soup. It can only make your life easier.

Unless your soup is gross. In which case, My police are on their way.


One Response to “Sinus explosion!”

  1. la luchee Says:

    this is too funny, my dictating queen! now i can rest well tonight and try to conjure up ways to snail mail soup!

    your bowing peon

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