Eat, You Fools!

March 14, 2009

Your skeletal corpse helps me not!

Without some sort of nutrition, you will wither and die and then who will tend My fields, fight My wars and bring Me cookies? As your Almighty and Illustrious Dictator, I cannot be expected to do these things for Myself. I am far too busy ruling you disgusting peons with My mighty iron fist!

But it has recently come to My attention that far too many of My slavering masses have been turning to dust as they toil and this cannot be allowed to continue! Thus, as usual, it is up to Me, the Benevolent, the All-Knowing, the Queen of All Sister Bears, President and Dictator For Life, to extend your worthless lives through tasty foodie experiences. So grab a stick to scratch this recipe in the dirt floor of your shack and fill your devoted bellies with healthy times!

And if you die after this, I’ll torture your corpse in horrific ways. No one dies unless I say they do.

spinach1Why, what’s this to the left? Could it be the childhood enemy of so many? An enemy of childhood is a friend of the Dictator and so I say, “Welcome, Spinach! Welcome!”

Yes, the special guest star of today’s dinner is spinach, so get used to it. Let go of that petty childhood hatred. Spinach is your friend. Full of iron and so many vitamins! Plus, it’s a taste sensation! And best of all for you working stiffs, it’s cheap! You can buy a hundred kilos for a dollar! But today, you don’t need a hundred kilos; you only need about one bunch like the one to the left, maybe a little more than that. You will also need:

  • a big ol’ onion
  • several cloves of garlic (how many depends on how much you like garlic)
  • about 200 g of parsley
  • fresh dill (about four tablespoons when it’s all chopped up)
  • lemon juice (100 ml give or take)
  • 125 g of feta

Chop the stuff that needs chopping (and everything should be all tiny sized) and put everything in a bowl if you have one. Mix it up!

You’re also going to need some bread making supplies for the other part of this tasty dish. And when I say breadmaking supplies, I mostly mean flour: 250 ml of whole wheat flour and about the same of white flour. Mix this flour with:

  • 190 ml warm water
  • 3 tablespoons of oil (I leave the kind of oil to you, citizen.)
  • 1/2 teaspoon of oregano (Or more if you are living large. In which case I need to make tax laws even more draconian.)
  • Dash of salt

Knead all these doughy things for two or three minutes (build those muscles to till My fields!) and add flour until it doesn’t stick to your calloused hands. Separate this dough into three equal parts. Roll these dough balls out until they are bigger than your baking pan. Don’t be shy! Place the first layer in your pan, which should be greased, if you have any grease. (And I know that basics such as grease are hard to come by in these harsh times, so be creative: use the sweat of your brow!) Add half of your spinach mixture and place the second layer of dough on top of that. Add the rest of your filling and cover with the final dough piece. Fold the dough layers together to keep it all closed up. Poke some holes in this thing, making sure to go through the second layer, then pop it in the over for about 40 minutes at 200 C.

Don’t be your usual slacker selves, peons! Keep an eye on this pie! It may cook in less time because of the type of pan you use. Or it may take longer because I have cut off the power to your house because you are suspected of harbouring enemies of the state. If you are without power and are in fact harbouring enemies of the state, do not feed the enemies any of this delicious spinach dish. Insurrection should not be rewarded with nutrition.


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