Hard Times

March 19, 2009

Citizens, although your Dictator has powers unfathomable to your small minds, She cannot prevent the global economic meltdown. Well, I could, I do have that kind of power, but to be honest, I’m just not interested in the whole situation. I’d rather watch Smap Bistro.

However, the sad development in this tale of disinterest is the fact that the economy does not care whether or not I am interested. The economy is happening, peons. And that happening means your pension fund is at the mercy of American investors.

And dear serfs, let’s not deceive ourselves. American investors are unreliable and suicidal. I cannot have such people taking control of the economy of the IRJ. In addition to my hatred of unreliability and suicidal tendencies, I also have a fanatical loathing of Americans, thanks to the last time they tried to assassinate me and take over the IRJ. Let this be a reminder, citizens, your Dictator never forgets.

Your Dictator also needs cash. Turns out that while She was busy with Her Playstation 3, the world continued to turn and now Her country’s economy is kind of in the toilet. These things happen, citizen, and it is really nothing to worry about. Only if you happen to have a few thousand dollars lying around that you’re not using, your President for Life could really use them. Running a country is not a cheap operation, people. It takes a lot of cash to pay all the informers who watch your every move.

So maybe if you have a few thousand that you are not using, you could send them My way? I promise you will get to keep your head and My secret police will turn a blind eye to your rutabega smuggling operation. (Don’t deny it. I know you have been sending these potato substitutes to the developing world.) Send the money, citizens. Your Glorious Light Substitute has a lot of expenses.

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