April 3, 2009

Peons, I know you are wondering where to find your government offices. You want to apply for social services again, despite the fact that you know very well there are no social services in the IRJ. The fact is the removal of your country did not go as well as hoped and Your Dictator and all the Ministries of the Republic are currently staying at a friend’s. The quarters are close. The Minister of the Exterior eats too much garlic and we are all subject to her garlic breath. She likely will not survive the day.

It will be another fortnight before the Republic is settled in its new locale. This is unfortunate, but unavoidable. The Dictator’s palace is still under construction, and as you know only too well, if Your President-For-Life can’t have what She wants, no one can. So while the palatial residence undergoes the necessary renovations, the Dictator is forced to share quarters with Her senior staff.

This cannot continue. Your Glorious Tribute to Life cannot share anything, let alone the space in which She lives. Therefore, citizens, look forward to important government officials visiting your humble abodes this night. Those officials will be needing somewhere to stay until the renovations of My Impressive Residence are complete. Because clearly, I cannot be asked to continue to put up with them. You will find that the majority of them have bad breath and are inexcusably messy, but you will have no choice but to welcome them into your homes. Unless you wish to meet the secret police, and peons, I know you do not.


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