Toilets Everywhere!

February 13, 2010

Peasants, what is going on? Have you evolved en masse into some kind of post-human creatures who have somehow eliminated the need for urination and defecation? Your Dazzling Light generally pays little to no attention to your insignificant doings, but on a recent excursion to review the troops, She could not help but notice the large numbers of toilets on the pothole-ridden streets in front of your slovenly shacks. Some with their bowls cracked in two or even three, some coloured offensive yellows and pale blues, some the standard white. But all of them toilets. And all of them outside of the room where they ostensibly belong: the toilet room. (If you are wealthy enough to have a bathtub: the bathroom. But if you are wealthy enough to own a bathtub, you are not a citizen of My Republic and hence should avert your eyes from the glory of My words.)

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Fight-o, Baby Doc!

February 4, 2010

Baby Doc, the suavest dictator ever?

Suave!

As if toppled ally Jean-Claude “Baby Doc” Duvalier didn’t have enough troubles, the government of Switzerland is trying to kick him in the nuts while he is writhing in agony on the ground. Those neutral bastards. Leave Baby Doc alone. He’s had a hard time.

Perhaps those of you still foolish enough to engage in free thought are wondering exactly how a man who absconded to France with millions of his country’s gourdes has been hard done by. I shake My head indulgently at your ignorance as I dispatch members of My Doom Force to make sure you are “cured” of this free thinking problem you have.

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