June 27, 2010

The Canadians are finally rising up against their capitalist oppressors and they are doing it adjacent to the IRJ’s current holdings. While your Resolute and Resolved thoroughly approves of the hard line the oppressing side has drawn in the sand, She does not believe the oppressors can hold for long again such determined peasants. (She is also tired of the drone of helicopters skirting Her airspace.) The revolution has arrived!

I look forward to stepping in to fill the power vacuum and subjecting the Canadians to an iron fist so firm that the revolutionaries will dream fondly of their former overlords. Naturally, once I incorporate the icy tundras of Canada into the IRJ, all these insurgents will be shipped off to one of my many secret detention centres where they will be water-boarded and set to the rack until all thoughts of flaming police vehicles leave their addled minds. Unite, citizens! Today is a day of victory!



June 25, 2010

Cherished friend Gaddafi holds hands with Italy's BerlusconiLet’s not deny it, peons. To the outside world–those poor, unfortunate, leaderless lambs–the word “dictator” conjures up images of tiny moustaches and gulags. Those twisted souls think that only deranged psychopaths with mommy issues trod the dangerous path of dictator. Of course, you and I know that these sad sheep wander far from the truth in a desert of illusion, but sadly, my dear citizens, all too often, this is the image of the great dictator that is portrayed in the Western media.

Which is why it is a delight to see them finally reporting on the great deeds of my fellow autocrats. I know I have not recently spoken of my dear, dear friend Muammar Gaddafi, but peasants, rest assured that we remain the closest of friends. There was just that misunderstanding about the salad bowl that cooled my ardour in the early stages of our relationship. And although I still wonder how a man just happens to leave a dinner party with a half-full bowl of fennel salad, I am still quite excited about our little project (not a nuclear bomb! UN inspectors, you have nothing on Me!).

After passing through on his way to a conference to overthrow the leaders of the Western world, Mu-Mu (as his friends call him) was completely taken with the tiny Italian town of Antrodoco and resolved then and there to save the village from all the ills it faced. He will be bottling mineral water! Building sports complexes! Here is a leader who cares! What has Berlusconi done, he who is Prime Minister of the country that is home to this mountain village? Obviously, citizens, the answer in nothing. It takes a driven and passionate man like Mu-Mu to tackle the injustices of the capitalist failure of a system. Only a dictator has the capacity to reach out and grasp the essential nature of a problem and then solve it with a flick of the wrist. Maybe some human rights abuses occur somewhere in the process of solving the issue (and yes, UN, fine. You can come look at our prisons next week), but the issue gets solved. Dictators get things done!

So don’t think you can out smart Me, citizens. Your Omnipotent Presence is always watching.