Sniffles

December 2, 2010

Your Practical Imperative would never admit weakness in a public forum. Remember this, peasants. Better still to remember that I have no weaknesses and that since my legendary descent from the centre of the sun to earth, I have been perfect in all ways, including my health. And know, too, that I am no fool. I work to protect Myself and My domain from any and all threats. Which of course includes illness.

Peons, while you may fall ill all the time with colds and flus and other peasant diseases like dysentery, your Up High has no flaws in her immune system that would allow your maladies to infect Her. But I do like to test Myself, prepare Myself for anything that might block My path to total world domination. And so I have had myself infected with your common cold. Naturally, massive doses were required to cause even the slightest of symptoms.

My Science Dungeons are filled with the scientific geniuses needed to create such massive disease dosing. Those same scientists, chained to the walls of their damp, underground prison, came up with the cure for the common cold many years ago, but I am holding onto that for when negotiations with other world leaders get tough. Think of that when your noses are stuffy, peons, and know that My power knows no bounds.

And now that I am dosed and properly infected, I find the sensations deeply unpleasant. I remind myself that this is My training, part of My many preparations for My eventual global coup d’état. But this red nose, these weepy eyes, My once magnificent lungs now shadows of their former glory–this training is difficult, I cannot deny it. My only consolation is that one day the constant nose-blowing and tea-drinking will have prepared Me for something much greater.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s