Another year

December 21, 2010

Oh citizens, as we prepare for the annual festivities to celebrate your Incredible Action’s descent from the heavens, I hope none of you have forgotten what happened to those peons who “forgot” to send presents last year. Although I am a tolerant ruler, I cannot abide by insurrection via non-present-giving. And be honest, there is no one so deserving of a present as your Fox Trot.

There were some citizens who, at last year’s dictatorial festivities, declined to participate in the gift presentation, and as has been widely broadcast by state channels, those citizens were executed shortly after the gifts were not received. From this example, I think it is clear, citizens, that your Hot Stuff expects presents and has no compunction about removing those citizens that do not offer up the entirety of their net worth on the anniversary of Her glorious birth.

No, She does not need or want any of it, but as a Dictator, She cannot allow any of you to have it. So send Me those cookies in tinsel-covered packages, citizens. Send Me your first-born so that I might sell them to hostile nations. Do all this and more for your beloved Republic, citizens, and your Tap Master just might let you keep your head. Maybe.

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