Sweet Memory

June 14, 2011

My dear oppressed peasantry, to think that one short year ago, the Canadians were up in arms against the tyranny of their so-called democracy, an insurrection that was cruelly put down by their “democratically elected” leaders. My revolutionary heart went out to them, as I watched the agents of the democratic despots cart prisoners to a makeshift jail from the comfort of my bullet-proof bubble car. Having descended from the heavens to lead the people of the Independent Republic of Josi, I of course cannot empathize with their plight, but having spent these many years watching the political upheavals of so many lesser nations, I can concoct an emotion vaguely resembling sympathy.

But do not lose heart, revolutionary Canadians! Your Freedom Fighter will not let the fires of reform go unstoked, and allow to pass by an opportunity to form a new government indebted to My Great Display. With this in mind, I have instructed My doom force to work with the rebel Canadians, training them in the urban jungle of Toronto and the grassy countryside of southern Ontario. Come, rebel warriors! Come, wherever you are in that vast nation! Come and enjoy the tutelage of one of the greatest dictatorial minds this world has ever seen! We have weapons caches to make even the fiercest of warriors weep with delight, and the soldiers of the doom force are trained in the best kitchens in Europe, ensuring mess dinners of the highest quality: mousses that caress your tongue like a long-forgotten lover’s touch, wines that cost more than ten dollars, strawberry shortcake for dessert each and every day! Read the rest of this entry »